To Thy Own Self Be True

4 02 2011

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best – night and day – to make you somebody else; means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight. 
~ e.e. cummings 1955

When we are alone…it is easy to be true to our self.

But holding onto our sense of self within a relationship – without getting lost – is a different matter entirely.

It is so easy to say “just be yourself” – and yet it is one of life’s greatest challenges to actually be so.

For most of my life I’ve tried to fit other’s peoples expectations of who I thought they wanted me to be.

With a huge insecurity and a need to be ‘liked’…I would wear the appropriate mask to fit each occasion.

I courted other people’s good opinion in a vain attempt to validate my existence by suppressing my own needs to meet another’s.

I allowed myself to become a victim…so that I could blame the other…when one bullying relationship after another crashed and burned.

I learnt to dance to so many different tunes…I could have created my own solo dance troupe!

Deep down, I knew I was a long way from being true to myself.

I knew something had to change, but I didn’t know what…or how.

I had become an accomplished chameleon, changing colours with such frequency; I no longer knew who I was.

 

I understood that a certain amount of compromise in a relationship was to be expected; but there is a huge difference between compromise and selling one’s soul to please another.

Consciously – or subconsciously – many of us play games with each other in order to get what we want.

We are the victim…or the abuser – or we flit between the two.

We recognise the pattern in other people and fail to see it in ourselves.

We hide our true light in an attempt to be accepted…or to fit within someone else’s definition of who they think we are.

Living our personal truth is a real challenge as it often means having to let go of those on whom we’ve become co-dependant.

And the thought of letting go can be a scarier prospect than staying put…so we remain stuck in destructive relationships that rob us of who we truly are.

Stepping into our personal power takes a lot of courage as it requires a huge leap of faith to choose to walk our path alone.

And as I walk slowly back towards myself, I begin to stand straighter and walk tall as my old way of being fades to grey and I begin to see myself in glorious Technicolor.

Like a long lost friend…I am returning home to myself…where I belong.

Day 35 – 365 Days of Celebration

Today I will celebrate by welcoming myself back home…I’ve missed you babe!

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35 responses

4 02 2011
Jean Paul

“And the thought of letting go can be a scarier prospect than staying put…”
Too true Julie!

“Stepping into our personal power takes a lot of courage as it requires a huge leap of faith to choose to walk our path alone.”
Huge? Yes, absolutely. Rewarding? Oh boy, yes!

BTW – almost 10% done already! 🙂

4 02 2011
1961 Girl

Hey JP.

Letting go is a real toughie – and one that I still struggle with at times.

Stepping into our Personal Power is well worth the leap of courage…and I’m so pleased that you made yours.

And thanks for the reminder that I’m 10% of the way to completing the Postaday2011 Challenge…only another 330 posts to go! 🙂

4 02 2011
Redneckprincess

Good for you Julie!! I am going down the same road, I have been for about 4 years now…it is freeing to just be yourself and throw the mask aside…I don’t know why I waited so long…life is good, cheers my friend. 🙂

4 02 2011
1961 Girl

Thank you my lovely.

Yes, it is a twisting road we walk towards personal freedom. Great to hear that you are enjoying your journey as much as I’m enjoying mine!

Will catch up with your blogs and leave you some comments very soon! 🙂

4 02 2011
baonkobento

It really feels like you are describing me. I’m happy that you can start the return to yourself! Good luck! 🙂

4 02 2011
1961 Girl

Hi…thanks for your lovely comments.

I think this is a road that many of us are being asked to travel…and finding the courage to do so. Good luck with your return to yourself.

Juls 🙂

4 02 2011
elizabeth.beckerley

🙂 I like this blog. x

4 02 2011
Quidmont

Wow! That’s probably the most powerful post I’ve read to date. You certainly have a lot to celebrate Julie. You’ve not only turned your 50th year into a wonderful celebration, you’ve invited the most important participant to the festivities, your true self.

May you never be separated again. 🙂

Happy Birthday. Happy Awakening.

– Quidmont

4 02 2011
Phoenix

An amazing post Julie. Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve seen your blog featured all over the WP pages lately. And I can understand why. YOU are a celebration of life. You are inspiration. You are what people want, and need.

Thank you so much for sharing yourself with the world in such a wonderful way!

Would it be okay if I linked to your post here, or your blog in general from mine please? I find many people who are looking for cause to celebrate. I think you would be perfect for everyone.

Congratulations on your blogging success. It is well earned.

Thank you.

– Phoenix

4 02 2011
1961 Girl

Thank you Phoenix.

And thank you for recognising that this is very much a personal journey. If someone relates to one of my posts and is inspired as a result, it gives me a lovely warm glow. I am beginning to learn that when we speak from the heart…we touch the heart.

Please feel free to link my blog. I am still amazed that that it is being featured around WP…and I’m loving the experience!

Best wishes for your blogging success.
Juls 🙂

4 02 2011
Stacey

wow!! this was such a great post!

4 02 2011
barb19

What an awe-inspiring post Julie, and I think you speak for a lot of people – myself included. I thought you were describing me as I was years ago! Then I discovered that I did have my own personality, all mine – and I liked the feeling! It took quite a time to come out of my cocoon, but the freedom I felt was amazing! I am me – at last (and in glorious technicolor)! Go for it girl!

4 02 2011
1961 Girl

Good morning Barb.

I am delighted that you found the courage to step into your own light. It can be a very frightening thing to do and it is so easy to slip back into our old patterns as this is all we know. We are so used to only recognise ourselves through the eyes of another, we no longer see ourselves. Enjoy your freedom…and thanks for stopping by to say ‘hello’. Much love – Juls 🙂

4 02 2011
raunstrup

Loving this. Your blog is like my daily dose of bible (hoping i’m not offending anyone by saying this)

But can I just say – sometimes it can hurt just as bad, if you are on the other end. If you see someone you really care about, and really love, trying to be a copy of you, because they have told themselves that that is what we expect.
Not realizing that loving them means they can just be themself. And that’s good enough.

WOW, your blogs make me think woman! 😀 I love it!
And it’s not even 7am here!

4 02 2011
1961 Girl

I am very flattered that you are enjoying my daily dose of thoughts from my heart. And 7am – wow!

I can feel your pain in regard to the person you love trying to be someone else. When we love another unconditionally, we connect with the essence of who they are…and when their behaviours are contrary to this, we try to encourage them to ‘be themself’. Please keep loving this person and hopefully they will eventually feel safe and secure enough to let their own light shine.

Glad I make you think! 🙂

4 02 2011
expressbywords

Interesting. I really admire the idea of being honest to oneself, everyone should try that. But the problem, the simpler it seems to have a simple life, the tougher it is.
I can well understand what you mean, because it’s very difficult to live a simple life in the complicated world today.

4 02 2011
1961 Girl

I agree that it can be quite a challenge to live a simple life in an overcrowded world. Sometimes we just need to stop and be still for while in order to re-connect with ourselves. It is very easy to surround ourselves with ‘busyness’ and to hide behind other people’s expectations, rather than be quiet and take a good look at ourselves in case we don’t like what we see and are forced to make some changes. Thank you for this. Juls 🙂

4 02 2011
mrsled

Well said 1961 girl. I think that we all feel like that at times. That is why it is so nice when you get to my age (72) and you don’t care a damn , you say what you like , feel what you like and do what you like. There’s not a lotta time left so you have to be your true self. I LOVE IT !!!!

4 02 2011
1961 Girl

There is something very freeing about being totally selfish. And the irony is that the more you are true to youself, the more other people love and respect you…for who you are…not who they wanted you to be.

I am so pleased you found yourself. Thank you for liking my post.
Juls 🙂

4 02 2011
Marcia

LIke some of the others on here, I’ve also walked this path. It’s very liberating and empowering to walk away from something that has trapped/starved you and only then do you realise your full potential and remember who you are. Keep going Juls, I admire you! Great post, thought-provoking as usual and I love the image of the girl, really caught my eye.

4 02 2011
frizztext

I learnt to dance to so many different tunes…I could have created my own solo dance troupe! – well said! so maybe you understand, that sometimes I think I am a team of several (five) persons 🙂
http://flickrcomments.wordpress.com/2011/01/02/team-power/

4 02 2011
1961 Girl

We all have so many facets to our personalities, I’m sure there are more the five people dancing around at times!

Thanks for stopping by Frizz. 🙂

4 02 2011
Edson Camara

This fits my hat percfectly today, I am in the middle of a very hard misundertastanding between my point of view regarding my 13 yaer old daughter, she wants everything like instant coffe, I am not prepared for that. Realationship is very hard to keep, but the love that we feel for each other can hold the horses.
Thanks again for you words.

4 02 2011
1961 Girl

Hi Edson.

Teenagers are sent to try us! These are always the most challenging years and no doubt your daughter will test you to the limit before her hormones and emotions settle down in a few years! Just hang on in there and continue to love her unconditionally whilst pointing out that some of her behaviours are unacceptable. It’s a tough one (I remember it well), but well worth the effort when you both come out the other side in a place of mutual love and respect.

Good luck!

Juls 🙂

4 02 2011
vixter2010

Such a great point! Beng true to yourself is sometimes hard, you worry about what other people think but you’ll only be happy if you be the person YOU want to be!

4 02 2011
1961 Girl

Hi.

I agree that being true to ourselves is quite a challenge at times; particularly if we have been brought up to put other people’s needs before our own. It is natural to worry about what other people think, but better they judge you for your true self than for someone you are pretending to be. If you are happy with yourself, you will attract other happy people and experiences into your life.

Best wishes,
Juls 🙂

4 02 2011
toemailer

There comes a point where we might dare to admit to ourselves that the old way no longer works and that we can start to think of letting go, perhaps only one step at a time, but onward we shall go.

4 02 2011
1961 Girl

Hopefully we get to that point sooner rather than later. So many of us waste a large part of our lives trying to be true to everyone else except ourself. Letting go one step at a time is a good approach and helps you to gradually ease into a new way of being. Best wishes, Juls 🙂

4 02 2011
Seashell

Wow. Just wow, Jules. Awesome, powerful post. Welcome home!

4 02 2011
1961 Girl

HI Seashell.

Thank you for the Wow’s!!! Glad you liked the post. It feels good to be home! 🙂

5 02 2011
eof737

So true Julie, stepping into our own light takes courage and once we do, it is infinite freedom. Keep going! 🙂
Eliz

5 02 2011
Richard

Love, Love, LOVE the blog. Great concept, challenging task, but oh so meaningful reflections. To Thy Own Self Be True — a lesson both for me and those who [used to] love me. Welcome Home! 🙂

6 02 2011
Sunday Summary for 2/6/11 « Walk A Mile In My Shoes

[…] To Thy Own Self Be True […]

7 02 2011
Papa Joe

Julie, it’s already been said and I’m just last here because I’m catching up. It still bears saying again though. This is a beautiful and powerful post Juls. You have a gift.

Thank you for sharing that gift with us here every day. We’re all better for your being here. 🙂

Happy Birthday Juls!

– Papap Joe

7 02 2011

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