I Used to be Decisive – But Now I’m Not so Sure!

15 02 2011

“Procrastination usually results in sorrowful regret. Today’s duties put off tomorrow give us a double burden to bear; the best way is to do them in their proper time.” ~Ida Scott Taylor

I used to be decisive – but now I’m not so sure!

When I was younger, I was very impulsive. If something fired up my imagination I would just go for it…with no thought of any possible consequences of my actions.

I always had a great time and never regretted any of my decisions. With hindsight, they weren’t always the best decisions…but hey…at least I’d had a ball and learnt a few lessons along the way.

Now I’m rapidly heading towards my big 50, I just can’t seem to make the simplest of decisions without procrastinating for days…or weeks…before finally taking action.

What happened to the girl who always followed her heart wherever it may lead?

Now every choice is examined from every conceivable angle. Pros and cons are weighed up. Friends and family are consulted for their opinion and needless to say, their opinions vary hugely – resulting in more confusion than ever!

The incessant chatter inside my head goes round in circles until I am unable to think straight…let alone make any important decisions.

Eventually I will decide on a course of action – only to start worrying about whether this really was the right decision – before checking to see if there is a ‘get out clause’ in case I change my mind!

All this procrastination is very tiring…and so I usually end up doing nothing and putting off making decisions until tomorrow – always tomorrow – and one day there will be no tomorrow.

What happened to the trusting girl who had such faith in the universe that even if she made a mistake – it didn’t really matter – as she knew that everything would always work out for the best?

As I get older, I worry more about becoming the proverbial ‘bag lady’ – living on the streets if all my ventures fail and I can no longer afford to pay the rent.

This prospect scares me more now than it did in my younger days when all things seemed possible and I felt immortal.

Maybe it is because there is now more time behind me than there is in front of me – and less time for my mistakes to work themselves out…so I try to avoid making mistakes…by avoiding making decisions in the first place!

I recognise this pattern of procrastination in my mother who is the Queen of Worry. I used to listen to her talk herself into something one minute…and talk herself out of it the next. I understand her fear of failure and the frustration of not finding the courage to ‘feel the fear – and do it anyway’.

For many years I was determined not to be like my mother – so frozen with fear and worry that she chose to walk away from so many of life’s wonderful opportunities. I became the explorer of the family-  always chasing after the next exciting adventure.

I am a firm believer than we teach what we most need to learn. And when I started writing this blog at the beginning of the year, I talked about our DASH  (the line between our date of birth and date of passing from this world)…and how we owe it to ourselves to make our DASH count.

I have a neighbour whose mantra is…‘Yeah…whatever’…

ExactlyWhatever…! 

Life is a risky business and whatever our choices…we will all end up at the same destination!

So thank you dear neighbour – for reminding me to stop worrying about the future…to live in the ‘Now’…and focus on making every day a cause of celebration!

Day 46 – 365 Days of Celebration

Today I am going to celebrate by making the decisions I keep putting off and trusting that there is no such thing as a ‘wrong decision’.

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44 responses

15 02 2011
elizabeth beckerley

We all come into this world with nothing and leave with nothing. Kind of takes the edge off the importance of those big decisions. Yes, “living in the now”…….I vow to do more of this. xxx

15 02 2011
1961 Girl

You are so right Liz. Thanks for the reminder that we arrive with nothing…and leave with nothing…so there is no point on holding on too tight to anything! Hugs, Juls 🙂

15 02 2011
Quidmont

Excellent post as always Juls. And especially timely. I’m heading to a job interview tomorrow for a very high-risk venture. But it is exciting. If I were 24 instead of 54 I’d jump at it.

Your words are exactly what I needed tonight! Very sincerely, thanks!

Happy Birthday Juls. And while it lasts here, Happy Valentine’s Day!

– Bob

15 02 2011
1961 Girl

Hi Bob. By the time you read this reply, you will have attended your job interview. I hope it went well. Mind you, with all that you have going on in your life…I don’t know how you will find the time to do a ‘real’ job!

Happy (belated) Valentine’s Day to you too.
Juls 😮

15 02 2011
Quidmont

Real job? What’s that? 😉

Happy Birthday Juls!

– Bob

16 02 2011
1961 Girl

Didn’t you say you were going for an ‘interview’ yesterday. Ah…come to think of it, wasn’t it to do with a new business venture. Now that is completely different to a 9-5 job…silly me…must be my (almost) 50 year old selective memory kicking in again!

Hope it went well 😮

15 02 2011
Papa Joe

Hi Juls! Happy Birthday!

Great post but that’s not the main reason I’m here. My internet’s been down most of the day and really I don’t mind. But when I realized it was Valentine’s Day, I had to pop over to an internet cafe and use one of their loaner machines to stop in.

So Happy Valentine’s Day Sweety!

– Papa Joe

15 02 2011
1961 Girl

A belated ‘thank you’ for your lovely Valentine’s Day wishes. I hope you had a lovely day.

I’m honoured that you went to the internet cafe specially to send me the message. You are a sweetheart. Thanks Papa Joe 🙂

15 02 2011
Redneckprincess

Life is too short not to grab it and run girl!!! Great post as always…xoxo

15 02 2011
1961 Girl

I’ve got my running shoes on Princess…just setting the GPS as we speak! Juls 🙂

15 02 2011
Patrecia aaka Mrsled

Oh boy, you sound just like me NOW and I am 21 years older than you. Now I cannot even remember what it was that I was going to decide.
Stop worrying, you young wippersnapper! Take life by the tail and fly with it. That is much more exciting than wondering if you have made the right decision.
I was 60 when we decided to uproot from uk and move to Spain to live. There was no little pied-a-terre left in the uk to run back to .
just in case things went wrong.
Life is too short to worry about ‘ifs’ and ‘maybe’s’. Go fly the flag! Take a leap of faith, and worry about old age when you get there.
I am now 71 and I have not started worrying about old age yet!

Have a great day and smile!

15 02 2011
1961 Girl

Thanks for the ‘young whippersnapper’ reference. Makes me feel young again!

You are right, sometime we need to just ‘go for it’ without worrying about having a safety net in place. You make a big decision to move to Spain and burn your bridges back home which took some courage…and 11 years later…you are still there.

BTW…what has happened to your blog…are you planning on a new one? Juls 🙂

15 02 2011
mrsled

Is your 50th today or was it yesterday?

Whenever it was HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

15 02 2011
1961 Girl

Bless you…no it isn’t today…or yesterday! My birhday will be on the 13th April.

Papa Joe and Bob have made it their mission to wish me ‘Happy Birthday’ every day this year in recognition of my 365 Days of Celebration, so every time they leave a comment, they wish me another ‘Happy Birthday’. I am such a lucky girl to have so many well wishers!
Juls 🙂

15 02 2011
Jenny Cutler

and today I have about another half hour to decide whether to have a perm ! god, apparently they don’t do that any more, but I want one, or after spending a year growing out my blonde bits, going blonde again.

I have to do something to ‘ruin’ my silky, floppy hair. it’s driving me nuts! and i need to look good on thursday and am running out of time!

15 02 2011
Marcia

No time like the present Juls, don’t put off til tomorrow what you can do today. Always go with your instinct and don’t rely on the opinions of others (she says, giving one of hers…) when making a decision, trust your gut feeling. It’s your life, so go out there and make the story of your life a fab one. Sounds like you already are to me anyway.

15 02 2011
1961 Girl

Being the author of our own destiny is a big responsibility and we owe it to ourselves to make it a story worth telling! Our gut feelings will normally show us the right path if we can get out of own way and be quiet for long enough to listen to the advice our intution is whispering in our ear. Life is definately what we make it. Thanks Marcia. 😮

15 02 2011
frizztext

frozen with fear and worry that she chose to walk away from so many of life’s wonderful opportunities…
+
we have our parents to learn, which attitudes we should avoid …

15 02 2011
1961 Girl

So true…look and learn…Juls 🙂

15 02 2011
Knight

Good blog as always. Einstein quipped “I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.” A lot of us think constantly of the future or the past – or both. This mind set robs us of living in the moment but sometimes we cant seem to let go. I have been there.
Quote from movie Kung Fu Panda “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that is what we call the present” Accepting this gift, this gift of the present sets us free to enjoy today and do everything we want to do. Follow your heart Juls.

15 02 2011
Cim Bartlett

Hi Juls, so true what you are saying. Just go for it and enjoy the experience. Cim xx

15 02 2011
1961 Girl

Thanks Cim. I shall enjoy sharing many of these new experience with you! Good luck with your recently launched on-line ‘Sparkle’ programme and your new ‘Nia’ dance classes. I will be there to support you at your first class. 🙂

15 02 2011
jeanne

Hi Juls, I have been toying with the idea of taking up space at an antique shoppe. When I stopped in to check on available space, I expressed to the shop keeper I was a little nervous about jumping in to this adventure. Her reply, ” just do it, it’ll be fun”! I think I will….go and have some fun and not worry about what may or may not happen. Have a great day on the river!

15 02 2011
1961 Girl

Hi Jeanne. Thank you so much for sharing this lovely example of how to follow your heart. You recognised your ‘fear’ and have decided to ‘do it anyway’. I totally understand why you were being cautious (fear) and I am delighted that you have turned the fear into an adventure with the expectation of having lots of fun along the way. Good luck with your new venture. Please keep us up-dated and post lots of photos of your new shop. Go girl……
Juls 🙂

15 02 2011
Seashell

If the decision is the wrong thing, you will learn from the mistake. To learn is to change, and change keeps us young regardless of the number of years we think we have.

Happy Birthday Year to a young Juls!
~ shell

15 02 2011
1961 Girl

You are so right. If the decisions we make are the ‘wrong’ ones…we will always learn from the ‘mistake’. But, perhaps there is no such thing as a ‘wrong’ decision as every choice we make moves us forward in some way.

And thanks so much for the ‘young’…and the Happy Birthday wishes x 🙂

15 02 2011
Marion Driessen

Choices that don’t have too many consequences can be made more easily than big choices that have an effect on let’s say, one’s income.
I wish you much wisdom, patience and self confidence on the latter. And when you don’t know what to do anymore, trust your intuition dear Juls, your instincts. And have faith in yourself and in life.
Wonderful thoughtful post, thank you 🙂
*hugs*
~Mar

15 02 2011
1961 Girl

You a such a sweetheart Marion. Thank you for your encouraging – and wise – words of advice.

It is so true that it is easier to make small decisions than big choices as there are usually less consequences with the small decisions. Sometimes, talking things through with someone who listens…but offers no opinion…helps us to process our thoughts and come to the ‘right’ decision. And does it really matter if we get it ‘wrong’? The adventure begins as soon as we stop procrasinating, make our choice, and get out there to follow our destiny. How exciting! 🙂

15 02 2011
Lisa

Living in the Now and trusting our decisions is truly difficult, especially as we get older and look back on decisions we made that went awry. But, life is an adventure and all we can do is live it.

15 02 2011
1961 Girl

Hi Lisa.

You are so right. Learning to live in the NOW is paramount to our sense of well-being. If our choices mean looking back and thinking, ‘that was a daft move’…so be it. The important thing is to make a choice and enjoy the adventure…wherever it may lead. Juls 🙂

15 02 2011
Jenny Cutler

I know you can’t answer these. it doesn’t matter. I finally stopped procrastinating about my hair – after 9 months of letting the bleach grow out, and had it done all over again.

I feel more like Me again. I am not a dark mouse haired person and never will be. It’s just not ME !

15 02 2011
classyrose

Hi Juls, listen to your heart and do what you feel is right for you. If you decide not to move forward will you wonder in 5 or 10 years what if…

I’m sure you will make the right decision. 🙂

15 02 2011
1961 Girl

Hi Rose. Lots of decisions to make and I’m working my way through them slowly. Some big shifts are taking place…

Whether these are the right decisions remains to be seen. You are so right…I would hate to look back and think…What If???
Hugs,
Juls 🙂

Many congratuations on the Daily Post today – you are a star!

15 02 2011
classyrose

Thanks again Juls. You will make the right decision. 🙂

15 02 2011
Piglet in Portugal

Hi Juls,

I have a little note up on my wall. Today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday 🙂

15 02 2011
1961 Girl

Hi Carole.

I love it…thank you so much. Great advice!

Juls 🙂

15 02 2011
therunninggarlic

Wise decision and Thank you for the Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! What a whirlwind on the blog … you can’t even think straight! A wonderful honor and following in your footsteps I will have to Thank the world for stopping by!
Thank you Juls for your kind words and encouragement,
Debbie 🙂

15 02 2011
1961 Girl

Enjoy your fame Debbie – it is richly deserved!

Try not to get too stressed about answering all the comments. I did my best to get back to everyone, but in the end I had to just say one BIG THANKYOU – with an apology if I missed anyone who had left me a comment and I hadn’t replied to personally. Hope you have a bottle of bubbly on hand to give an extra boost to your typing fingers…they are going to be very busy for the next few days!
Juls 🙂

16 02 2011
eof737

Indecision can be a good thing; saves us from the mistakes of youth… Living in the now is the way to go and let the chips take care of themselves…
Eliz

16 02 2011
1961 Girl

Living in the now is definately the way to be. Reminding ourselves to do this and actually living it is the challenge. It is far too easy to slip back into past memories, or spend too much time worrying about what ‘might’ happen in the future. Thanks Eliz 😮

16 02 2011
noobcake

The Mamas & the Papas sang something that is an apt response here:

But you’ve gotta make your own kind of music
sing your own special song,
make your own kind of music even if nobody
else sing along.

Ace song!

16 02 2011
1961 Girl

Those words are perfect – thank you so much. From now on, I will focus on singing my own song even if no-one wants to sing along. Thanks Noobcake. Juls 🙂

19 02 2011
lovemyfam72

I just found your blog and love it! I have just started blogging myself, and not quite sure what to put out there! But I absolutley love your blog! Would love for you to follow mine? Hope you have a great weekend!

19 02 2011
1961 Girl

Nice to meet you and thanks for stopping by. Good luck with your blogging and have fun with it all. Juls 🙂

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